So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
