why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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