I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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