blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
