i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
