My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
