It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
