I think I died a long time ago.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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