after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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