his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
