i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
