Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
