Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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