to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
