I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
