Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
