Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
