you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
