i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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