just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
