literally had 100 drinks last night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
