My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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