I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
