Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
smell my finger.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
