There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
