it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think your dad took our porno
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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