She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
