I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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