I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
