Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
