yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
