Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She bit a glass in half.
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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