I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
