I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
