I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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