Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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