around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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