i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
