You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I could fuck to npr.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
