What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
