In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
