two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
