Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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