Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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