Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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