ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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