Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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