every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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