what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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