I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
