And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
