there's paper in my vomit.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
