He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
