new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
