Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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