I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
