Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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