I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
