why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
