this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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