areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
being pregnant is like rehab
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
