What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
