I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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