he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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