Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
