You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize