I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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