try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
