3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
