i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
