Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
