Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
