Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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