don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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