Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
