Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
