i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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