eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize