If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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