I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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