So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
