I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
