My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
