Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
