Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
