Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
