whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
